So, i'm getting very personal very quickly on this blog.  I know not too many people read this blog anymore, if any, to be honest, but i need to get this out.

So, some background.  Many of you know i had a tubal ligation when i was very young.  I won't go into the details but having kids for me is very... high risk.  I chose to have a tubal ligation in order to not risk that.  I had thought for years about adopting but the truth is i had come to the conclusion in my life that i don't want kids. 

A few weeks ago i made a stupid, stupid mistake.  And let's just say it was so stupid that i didn't use protection.  Yes, i'm almost 33 and i don't need the lecture.  I have already heard it enough.  I know what i did was dumb.

Problem is, i've missed my period.  I'm not just late, it flew out the window.  And there are a few other tell tale symptoms going on too.  I'm not totally sure if i've built them up in my head or if they are real.  But what is real is no period yet.

Tubal ligations fail.  They have a higher risk of failing if you had one over 10 years before or if you had one really young.  (I was 21.)  Its rare, but it does happen.  It puts you at a much higher risk for an ectopic pregnancy, but it happens. 

Now i'm worried.  I'm really worried.  Something keeps nagging at me that i'm pregnant.  Just this feeling that won't let go.  Yes, i've taken one test.  It said negative.  But it was SO early.  I mean, like i took it about a week after.  So i don't know how much i can trust that.  Yes, i need to take another one.  I'm giving my period one more week.  I have just switched my schedule to night shift so its possible that's messing with my body.

IF (and this is a huge if) i am, and it ends up NOT being ectopic, this puts me at a huge risk.  I mean, they will probably keep me on bed rest for the bulk of my pregnancy, if i don't lose yet another baby.  I don't know what i'd do if that happened.  And the guy?  Yeah, haven't spoken to him since and i'm not sure how i'd even tell him.  And, well, i don't know its just all messed up and i'm scared.  I mean, financially and such i'm in a good place in my life for this.  And i would be so happy if everything ended with a happy ending.  But there are so many risks.  So many.

Ugh.  I just need prayer.  No lectures.  Just prayer.  I don't even know what to ask you to pray for.  Just pray? 

I have never wanted to get my period so badly in my entire life.

Got a new car!  Headed to Galveston in May!  Semester's coming to a close soon!  Giving my last speech on Monday (Persuasive: For Legalizing Marijuana)!  Bout to write a 3000 word paper for psych!

Told ya it'd be quick!

In preparation for the prequel to the greatest movies ever made i just finished reading "The Hobbit."  The "Lord Of The Rings" trilogy is by far the most outstanding of movies ever created, and if you disagree, well sorry - you're just wrong.    Unfortunately, as much as i LOVE to read, i had never read the books.  Any of them.  This time, i was going to read the book first, even months upon end before the movie came out.

All i can say is wow.  I simply CANNOT wait for this movie.  And given the trailer, i think it will be pretty damn amazing.  I'm not one to wait in line for hours on end to see the newest "epic" (ahem- "The Hunger Games").  Normally no matter how badly i want to see the movie (and i'm not dissing "The Hunger Games" - on the contrary i'm dying to see it!!), i will wait until the crowds die down.

To "The Hobbit" i say, screw that!!  I will be first in line.  I was going to do so anyway, considering how i have the epic trilogy practically memorized and have been waiting for a long time for this movie, but after reading the book i simply can't wait.  I die a little inside each time i realize i have to wait until December.  All i ask is Lord please let me live until i see this movie.  Then you can bring me home.

For the few poor tortured souls out there not familiar with the story line, it centers around mythical creatures, mostly hobbits.  (Though elves, dwarves, wizards and other such creations are highly involved.)  Now you may be saying to me, "Nerd.  I'm not into that kind of stuff."  Maybe not.  But that doesn't mean you should pass this movie by.  Or the trilogy if you haven't seen it.  The underlying story is so powerful you won't care that its "nerdy." 

Oh, "The Hobbit" is wonderful and i can't wait to see it.  I could read this book over and over again and never tire of it.  (Meaning i can't wait to move on to "Lord Of The Rings.")  For those of you who realize the pure epicness of this movie (yes, i just made up a word... deal), and are right there with me, i will be standing in line with you... no matter how many miles away from you i may be.  Oh, come December!!





P.S.  Did i mention this story is epic??